To Those Who May be Grieving this Holiday Season


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Today is the second anniversary of my Mom’s passing. Although I miss her every day, I definitely feel that I come along way as far as dealing with my grief. As I think about my story, I can’t help but think about so many others that are going through similar situations. I often think about what I would say to those others and I thought today would be a perfect time to share.

To Those Who May be Grieving this Holiday Season:

It will be ok.

It’s ok to totally breakdown. It’s not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength. Don’t be afraid to confess that you’ve totally lost it. The people who really care about you will understand.

It’s ok to be angry. Yes, losing someone you love really sucks. Sometimes, you’ll be a little angry. Sometimes you’ll get jealous of others who don’t seem to have it that bad. You don’t know their full story, so brush those feelings off. But, sometimes it’s ok to let yourself be a little angry. As long as you’re able to find the positive in the situation and move on.

It’s ok to not be normal. Newsflash, there is no normal. This is something that took me awhile to learn. Let yourself be yourself. Feel what you want to feel. For a long time, you will probably struggle with finding yourself again. Eventually, you will create your own new normal. Whatever that may be is ok. Once again, the people who care about you will understand.

It’s ok to change. One of the biggest lessons that I struggled to learn was the life went on as “normal” without my Mom. It’s amazing to think how much has happened since she’s been gone. Sometimes, this really bothers me. But, remembering that my Mom is proud of me is what makes me feel good about much I’ve changed and accomplished without her physically here.

It’s ok to be happy. Sometimes I feel guilty about being happy. Sometimes in situations that should be really happy, I feel sad and I feel guilty about that. This was especially difficult during my wedding. During the wedding planning process, there were many times that I wanted to be really happy but could not get the nagging feeling of a void out of the back of my mind. That nagging feeling was guilt. Once I realized this, I reminded myself that my Mom would want me to happy. So I dropped the guilt and focused on the good.

There are few things that are not ok.

It’s not ok to lose hope. There is always, always, always something to be grateful for. Yes, sometimes things will really suck. But it’s not ok to lose hope. Look forward, not backward. Focus on the positive, not the negative. Stay hopeful and you’ll be ok.

It’s not ok to forget or push things to the side. Yes, it’s important to stay positive, but don’t forget that the person you love is gone. Remember them and the happy memories. Take time to remember them on anniversaries, holidays and those moments where they pop into your mind. This will probably happen on a daily basis. Own those moments. Think of them as your loved one saying hi. Say hi back and enjoy that moment.

It’s not ok to give up. There are going to be peaks and there are going to valleys. This is life. Unfortunately, the only thing you can do is buckle up and enjoy the ride. Let your loved one guide you and remind you of where you’ve been and where you’re going. Let them be a driving force for your daily life and a reminder to enjoy every moment. Life is short, so stay focused on the good and keep chugging along. Everything will be ok.

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19 responses to “To Those Who May be Grieving this Holiday Season

  1. Thinking of you today and sending you virtual hugs!

    I wish I could send this list to someone who really needs to see it, but it’s not my place. But I agree with all of OKs and Not OKs you listed.

  2. Thanks so much Kim! Send it please! I would love to help someone and am thinking about posting it to Facebook for others to share with whoever needs it.

  3. Hang in there, girl. Sending you lost of positive vibes!

  4. I’m so sorry you lost your mom during the holidays! I can relate – My dad died on christmas day, it will be four years this year. Its definitely a hard time of the year, but having fun activities planned and really amazing friends definitely helps. It’s always nice to reminded that other people are also simultaneously angry, sad, and overjoyed 🙂

    It also helps to have a run with beer coming up to keep your spirits up 😀

  5. Hang in there! This is such a great list and it’s so great of you to share it!

  6. Though I’m only just getting to know your blog, virtual hugs from us too. Especially given that we just lost a mother within the month. It will forever punctuate the beginning of the holiday season — her birthday and her death.

    Lovely post. Well written.

  7. Beautiful post. Your honesty and sharing your thoughts is inspiring! Love you!

  8. ❤ Thinking of you!

  9. Pingback: My First WIAW | livehalffull

  10. Lovely, honest post. Stay strong, this too shall pass! Sending positive thoughts and prayers your way.

  11. On Dec. 16th it will be the year anniversary of my mom’s sudden passing. I’ve been struggling with this date – what should I do to remember her on that day? What if it isn’t special enough? I really appreciate this post – thank you!

    • You are very welcome! Please share this with your family and friends who are dealing with your Mom’s anniversary as well.

      Whatever you do it’s personal to you and your Mom so no need to think about if it’s ENOUGH. I light to go light a candle at church for my Mom, or look at pictures, or pray. Just remember, she’s with you always and is proud of you.

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